Gosh, sometimes I feel

Sometimes, I feel so lonely and angry. If you can see the title of my blog, you know I have a disease which limits my activities. When I want to do something, I have to plan my activities ahead of time. Doing this prevents a flare up. Why can't I live a normal life?

Right now, the birds are singing outside. It's quiet in my house so I can hear them, even with the doors and windows closed. They sound so happy and ready to greet the day. Listening to them sometimes puts me in a trance like state. It's another world, free of pain, exhaustion, loneliness and anger.

I want to do things. I want to ride my bike and go on hikes. I want to spend a day at the beach or go shopping at the mall. I want to take art classes and scrapbook. I want to engage in photography and clean my house. Any of these activities involves planning. I'd have to plan around my work schedule. At the end of the day, I don't have the energy to do anything else. It makes me angry.

I do escape writing letters to  pen pals and reading. If I want to chance more stress, I will become emotionally involved in world events. CNN is great for information.

I realize a negative outlook doesn't help my situation. But, there are times, like today, when my own private pity party is required. After a while, the party winds down and I have to pick myself up off the floor. I have to refocus on what I can do. I have to nurture my self.

Blogging helps to get my feelings out-even if it's the world. I know there are others who feel the same as I do. Extending an invitation to my fibro world extends a hand of comradship and support to others. They can wallow in my loneliness and anger with me. It doesn't last very long. I do get up and brush off the broken streamers and party favors. I take off my party hat and put it in a place where I can remember how I felt. It reminds me to slowly enjoy my life. After all, I am luckier than most people.

I just read Bin Laden is dead. Wow! My fibro will be okay today! The political events will occupy my mind. What occupies your mind away from fibro?