Tuesday.
3 more work days after today.
It's raining again. It rained all day yesterday. I'd love to complain but I can't. We desperately needed the rain. The pain......well, I'll focus on being grateful for the rain.
I figured out I was up too late on Sunday night. I didn't take my meds on time. Hence, I was up an hour longer than usual. For some, it's no big deal. For a fibromite, an hour is like 24 hours. We need to sleep.
I also ran out of my Nuvigal. It helps to lessens exhaustion. Yesterday, I didn't think I would survive the work day.
Last night, I remembered my schedule.
Home at 5pm.
Time with family and pets.
Dinner at 6pm.
Meds at 6pm.
Computer until 7pm.
Take out Abby, our Jack Russell.
Reading until 8pm.
Ambien at 7:30pm.
Bed at 8:00pm.
Sleep: within 15 minuutes.
That's what I try to do during the work week. Tommorrow, it will change. I am trying acupunture. I'll let you know how it feels. I used to get acupuncture treatments on a regular basis 8 years ago, before I was diagnosed.
Since, the exhaustion and pain are ten times worse. But, I am hopeful.
"The miserable have no other medicine
But only hope."
~William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure
Yesterday was hell.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday Daily Life
My back hurts. That's the bad news. The good news-the rain is coming. Maybe for 5 days. We desperately need rain. We are in a severe drought. We need the rain to clean our environment.
I spent yesterday cleaning and re-arranging my craft/scrapbooking room and my kitchen.
The Obsessive Compulsive Behavior is rearing it's ugly (?) head again. My RA doctor is tapering me off of Lexapro-which my Psychiatrist prescribed for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder . He feels it might cause my excessive exhaustion. I feel a little less exhausted during week one of tapering. In 3 weeks, 2 days, I should be completely off Lexapro. My RA doctor wants me to go on Cymbalta. I am hopeful my Lyrica and Ambien, occasional pain medication and muscle relaxer will be enough for me. I don't like taking all of these medications. The good news: I keep losing weight as I taper off the Lexapro.
After my OCD cleaning spree, I took a hot, hot bath. It helped relieve most of the pain. My Jack Russell, Abby, has a small stuffed monkey that plays music that's addicting to the dog and nerve-wracking for the owner. Fortunately, Mr. Monkey had to be washed because he stunk! He came out smelling fresh and void of his voice. Abby didn't care.
She came into the bathroom and plopped Mr. Monkey in the bathtub. Off course he got soaked. I squeezed the excess water out of him and threw it for Abby. She flung Mr. Monkey into the air over and over. Then, she plopped Mr. Monkey in the bathtub again. I squeezed the excess water out and threw Mr. Monkey. Again, she flung Mr. Monkey into the air, then plopped him into the bathtub. Third time was a charm for Abby. She had to wait until Mr. Monkey was floating near the edge of the tub. After a few attempts, she pulled Mr. Monkey from the spearment, lavendar and eucalyptus bath water. A heavier Mr. Monkey, soaked with water, was again flung in the air over and over until she decided to drown Mr. Monkey again. For about a half hour, I kept an eye on Abby as I was reading a book. Her innocent game was delightful and full of joy.
I slept on a heating pad last night. When it turned off, I woke up every time and turned it back on.
After a hot shower, I am going to stretch. At work, I hope to walk around just enough to make me feel better. After work, I am getting a deep trigger point massage. By that time, we should have rain.
I read this quote today. "Turn your wounds into wisdom."-Oprah Winfrey. As my back aches today, I hope I'll be struck with wisdom during a lightbulb moment. I'll let you know.
I spent yesterday cleaning and re-arranging my craft/scrapbooking room and my kitchen.
The Obsessive Compulsive Behavior is rearing it's ugly (?) head again. My RA doctor is tapering me off of Lexapro-which my Psychiatrist prescribed for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder . He feels it might cause my excessive exhaustion. I feel a little less exhausted during week one of tapering. In 3 weeks, 2 days, I should be completely off Lexapro. My RA doctor wants me to go on Cymbalta. I am hopeful my Lyrica and Ambien, occasional pain medication and muscle relaxer will be enough for me. I don't like taking all of these medications. The good news: I keep losing weight as I taper off the Lexapro.
After my OCD cleaning spree, I took a hot, hot bath. It helped relieve most of the pain. My Jack Russell, Abby, has a small stuffed monkey that plays music that's addicting to the dog and nerve-wracking for the owner. Fortunately, Mr. Monkey had to be washed because he stunk! He came out smelling fresh and void of his voice. Abby didn't care.
She came into the bathroom and plopped Mr. Monkey in the bathtub. Off course he got soaked. I squeezed the excess water out of him and threw it for Abby. She flung Mr. Monkey into the air over and over. Then, she plopped Mr. Monkey in the bathtub again. I squeezed the excess water out and threw Mr. Monkey. Again, she flung Mr. Monkey into the air, then plopped him into the bathtub. Third time was a charm for Abby. She had to wait until Mr. Monkey was floating near the edge of the tub. After a few attempts, she pulled Mr. Monkey from the spearment, lavendar and eucalyptus bath water. A heavier Mr. Monkey, soaked with water, was again flung in the air over and over until she decided to drown Mr. Monkey again. For about a half hour, I kept an eye on Abby as I was reading a book. Her innocent game was delightful and full of joy.
I slept on a heating pad last night. When it turned off, I woke up every time and turned it back on.
After a hot shower, I am going to stretch. At work, I hope to walk around just enough to make me feel better. After work, I am getting a deep trigger point massage. By that time, we should have rain.
I read this quote today. "Turn your wounds into wisdom."-Oprah Winfrey. As my back aches today, I hope I'll be struck with wisdom during a lightbulb moment. I'll let you know.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wishcasting Wednesdays: How do you wish to sparkle?
I'm a day late for Wishcasting Wednesday. How do I wish to sparkle?
Geez, gads, crap. How can I sparkle when I feel like crap? I feel .....well, not worthless. I feel angry. I feel robbed. I feel selfish. I feel anything but bling.
It started yesterday. I visited my RA doc for fibro. He wants me to wean off Lexapro and then begin Cymbalta. Apparently, the side effects will be less.....thus, the weight will come off, I'll have less knee problems,less exhaustion, ect.... I checked with my psychiatrist. He gave me a weaning schedule, which I began last night.
If anyone has weaned off SSRI's-you know how difficult it can be.I feel angry because it feels like I am in this river rafting journey ALONE. I want to isolate myself to not expose others to the weaning side effects. I want to run until I cry. I want to pound on someone's chest and say, "It's not fair! Why do I have to struggle? I'm a good person. I do good work. I am a good wife and Mother. Why do I have this illness? I hate it, hate it, hate it!"
Sparkle? Can I pretend I am a little girl again-dressed in the Princess Costume I never had? Can I wave my shiny, sparkly silver star shaped wand with the shiny matching flowing ribbons? Can I wear a cone shaped p;ink hat with silver sparkles and more flowing ribbons? Can I twirl and dance in delight? Can I be in the world of imagination and pretend-a world full of innocence, possibilities and air that smells like newly grown grass on a spring day?
Can I push and eliminate the awful, bad and horror in the world when I emerge from my Princess World. Can I receive respect when I demand people do things the RIGHT way? Can I whine and moan when I'm frozen, unable to cross the busy street as cars and trucks whiz by? Can I lay my head down and cry?
Will my tears turn into sparkles as they slide down my cheeks?
Geez, gads, crap. How can I sparkle when I feel like crap? I feel .....well, not worthless. I feel angry. I feel robbed. I feel selfish. I feel anything but bling.
It started yesterday. I visited my RA doc for fibro. He wants me to wean off Lexapro and then begin Cymbalta. Apparently, the side effects will be less.....thus, the weight will come off, I'll have less knee problems,less exhaustion, ect.... I checked with my psychiatrist. He gave me a weaning schedule, which I began last night.
If anyone has weaned off SSRI's-you know how difficult it can be.I feel angry because it feels like I am in this river rafting journey ALONE. I want to isolate myself to not expose others to the weaning side effects. I want to run until I cry. I want to pound on someone's chest and say, "It's not fair! Why do I have to struggle? I'm a good person. I do good work. I am a good wife and Mother. Why do I have this illness? I hate it, hate it, hate it!"
Sparkle? Can I pretend I am a little girl again-dressed in the Princess Costume I never had? Can I wave my shiny, sparkly silver star shaped wand with the shiny matching flowing ribbons? Can I wear a cone shaped p;ink hat with silver sparkles and more flowing ribbons? Can I twirl and dance in delight? Can I be in the world of imagination and pretend-a world full of innocence, possibilities and air that smells like newly grown grass on a spring day?
Can I push and eliminate the awful, bad and horror in the world when I emerge from my Princess World. Can I receive respect when I demand people do things the RIGHT way? Can I whine and moan when I'm frozen, unable to cross the busy street as cars and trucks whiz by? Can I lay my head down and cry?
Will my tears turn into sparkles as they slide down my cheeks?
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